Overweening Generalist

Friday, December 16, 2011

Weaponize Your Personal Drone For Christmas!

Hey there, personal drone aficionados. As I'm sure you're aware, the drone world (both military and personal) is moving fast, and I'm here to help ya keep up on the latest. For this blogspew at least, it's Drone Central here at the OG. So, let's get to it, shall we?

DIY, Amazon: We've Come A Long Way, Baby!
Check out this ancient article from 2008 in UK's The Engineer. If only they could see us now, eh? The author is trying to educate us about the good times ahead in personal drone tech, by teaching us to say "UAV" (or if you're a totally clueless noob, Unmanned Air Vehicle, and "MAV," or micro air vehicle). As if we weren't saying these things thirty, fifty times a day by now!

Sure, the Big Guys in the military have the ins with the Pentagon and their contractors, but no need to suffer size envy when thinking of your Predator, your Reaper, your Global Hawk: let's let the entire world know we have websites for DIY drones, like THIS ONE. And bear with me while I get the laggards up to snuff: you can buy a middlin' size one to be proud of at Amazon for about 300 bucks. Hell yes! All you need is an Android, iPod Touch, iPhone, and a few other little gizmos to control 'em..."i" shit you not!

As of today, we have to iron out a few problems that exist: "high wastage," hard landings, accidents. But let's not drop our joysticks over a few little problems!

So what if some people seem to get all jelly-legged and lilly-livered when they find out what we got! These are the same Worrisome Willies that are all worked-up 'cuz I can buy, say, an Uzi at a gun show. I ain't a-never opened up at a mall yet, have I? Well alright then. If you haven't heard of these Nervous Nellies, they're all over the place. Like HERE's a guy who doesn't seem pleased. I can't quite tell what this guy's problem is; you tell me! Anyway, don't I have a right to make sure my neighbors ain't a-plottin' nothin' against me and my family? They're all weird and everything. Like I ain't never seen them fly the colors from their porch...even on Veterans Day! The video on that one's pretty cool though, huh?

Don't let these wussies get you down. Here's some good news up ahead yonder.

Local Police Forces Get Weaponized Drones
Yes! Yeee-haw! Check this story out, ladies and germs! Now, of course there's a liberal slant to that article, but what do you expect? The good news is that, if we look at history, the money we pay into the military budget? Now, I admit it's a lot. But here's the good news: some - well, a whole heckuva lot, really - of that money goes for R&D (research and development), which means a bunch of scientists get to figure out how to make really cool stuff, like bunker busters, mustard gas, and what-not. Cruise missiles. And yes, drones!

So, our fightin' men use it to find their dead fellow soldiers, like in that ancient article I linked to above. But now we got guys living outside Vegas who get up with their kids at 6:30AM, talk about Barney videos and eat cereal and talk about how to be moral and good, then the kids go off to school, dad goes to work finding targets (humans) his superiors say are enemy combatants. Then he kills 'em from half-way around the world, using drone technology! Then he gets off at five, just in time to see his kid play third base in the Junior League playoffs! Recently an American citizen who turned into a Bad Guy got killed this way! (By being a Muslim terrorist, not a third baseman.) Cool, ain't it?

So yea: historically, these sorts of technologies filter back into domestic society. HERE's an article from the LA Times from about five weeks ago, that says it's "inevitable" that we civilians will have our own drone-forces, but not before the police do. (Okay, I may be readin' between the lines, but we all know this stuff is coming to a backyard near us soon, right?) The FAA is all in on it and stuff, too. It says "drones for profit." I don't get it: that's what America's all about isn't it? HERE is an article from just this week. Check out the pic of that sweet hummingbird drone! Now there's something I don't get: all these people cryin' about "privacy." To me, it's simple: if ya got nothin' to hide, you got nothin' to worry about, right? Am I right or am I right? Yep. Thought so...

But lemme get back to my main points.

Here's where it gets good: the sequence, domestic militarization of badass stuff, weaponry-wise, historically, goes a little like this:
DARPA (or similar)---->: military use overseas---->domestic police/DEA/FBI/the rest of the alphabet soup of police organizations---->criminal gangs (like the Mafia, and drug gangs), domestic militias and other patriots---->ordinary NRA citizens and other Good Americans like you 'n me! 

Is that cool er what?

Biology/Biotech and You!
As you saw in the picture from that article I linked to above, the wizards have combined biology with drone technology and came up with a great little spy hummingbird drone. Read about it HERE. Note: this was in the Business section of the paper; you investors might wanna think about it. Remember me when ya get rich! 

What's really cool is all the surveillance that can be done with increasingly better, faster, more accurate, smaller, quieter drones! Bad Guys - people without jobs and dope smokers - you know, immoral people? They can be more easily rounded up this way. Hey, who doesn't want safer streets? I care about my children, and I know you do too. I can't wait to see retinal ID systems or iris recognition  or even nose recognition systems implanted in my little drone-of-the-future. You don't want to kill the wrong guy! 

But I'm sure mistakes will be made at first, before they perfect all this.

Some Problems With the Civil Liberties Crowd
Card-carryin' pussies! They're all worried about coddling criminals and limousine liberal celebrities. Get THIS and THIS. Sheesh! "Stalker Drones"! The shit these latte-drinkin', Volvo-driving pussies won't make up to try and make us good Americans look bad!

Besides, if they have so much money, let 'em spend it on protecting themselves against 'em. They can afford it! 

Iran Trying To Kill Our Buzz
I'm sure you've all heard that somehow one of our drones got off course and was downed inside Iran. Obama asked for it back! He's got some sack, I'll give him that! But Iran says no way, man. What would you  expect from Abdul? Anyway, this story has, I'm afraid to admit it, friends, cast too big a light on the potential "bad" things about drones. We don't need to be in the spotlight; we're only hobbyists! The cool thing is that good ol' DARPA, which has known our military's killer drones have been subject to viruses, cybercounterterrorist security problems and other hackers for a long time, are on it. I'm sure they'll fix it. The problem though - and I don't want to sound like one of those liberal wussie alarmists - is that all other countries, including Pakistan, Iran, North Korea..hell, even Syria...will get their own predator-drones to fly over our houses soon.

I'm sure it'll be taken care of by someone.

Now I realize you may feel punked by me 'cuz I say pretty much outright in the title that you can "weaponize" your personal drone in time for Santa 'n Jesus 'n all, but I didn't give any particulars. I was using what my junior high English teacher called "poetic license"! By that, I mean I was tellin' a bit of a stretcher but it was for a good effect, see? And besides, we all know how this stuff goes. By next mistletoe season it'll probably be true! Sorry if anyone feels misled...Well, that's about all I have for my fellow hobbyists today.

Until then: I'll see you at the NRA-protected gun shows, at the "new ideas" table for Personal Drones! And yes: I'll see YOU in the skies!

(The NANO Hummingbird Drone! Isn't this just the greatest thing?):

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I find your take on "drones" funny and entertaining. I guess, when the monotony of so many lives prevails the drone "wins".